Just picture a proper, tulip-shaped Glencairn whiskey glass and an arrogantly raised pinky (yes, pinkies can display arrogance) in the pic above, instead of the vibrator-shaped microphone Gwyneth Paltrow, seasoned connoisseur of both, is holding.
Back in March, we were horrified to learn that more-disciplined-than-thou Goopster had gained 14 pounds during quarantine, but she assured us that with enough deprivation, snake oil, fad dieting, and probably a fair dose of nepotism (and why not, because it figures into everything else in her life), the unsightly poundage leapt off of her body with almost the level of alacrity Chris Martin couldn’t hold back when the two of them consciously uncoupled.
via Page Six:
“I was drinking seven nights a week and making pasta and eating bread. I went totally off the rails,” Paltrow, 48, said, according to the article.
“I mean, who drinks multiple drinks seven nights a week? Like that’s not healthy. I love whiskey and I make this fantastic drink called the Buster Paltrow, which I named after my grandfather who loved whiskey sours,” the actress reportedly continued.
“And it’s this great quinoa whiskey from this distillery in Tennessee with maple syrup and lemon juice. It’s just heaven. I would have two of those every night of quarantine.”
Okay, first of all, back in March, Gwyneth only admitted to drinking wine. Now we know it was something more hardcore, which may or may not earn her a bit of street cred in these parts. Most of us are probably just eye-rolling at Goopy’s disgust for the quantities of pasta and bread she’d consumed, which is still probably far, far less than any of us carb-worshiping plebes just call Monday through Sunday.
And just to salvage whatever shred of relatability she might delude herself into thinking she has, she added this:
Paltrow said she did not get “like, black-out” drunk, but was hankering for cigarettes during her nightly imbibing.
“I miss it,” she said of her former smoking habit, according to the British tabloid.
Um, sorry, but no normal person can relate to cruelly trashing the daily consumption of delicious pasta and bread, nor can we wrap our heads around this insufferable twat congratulating herself for not getting black-out drunk.
And just to barf up even more mixed messages, here is what Goopy posted yesterday on her IG, and it’s looking pretty damned carb-laden to me. Now to just get more whiskey down her gullet so she shuts the hell up again:
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