Somebody reached into the back of one of Beyoncé‘s closets and pulled out her Freakum Dress and made the fuck off with it, because TMZ says that storage units rented by her production company, Parkwood Entertainment, were robbed of tons of designer stuff. The worth? $1 million. Yes, ONLY, $1 million. “Hmm, I see they did me a favor by snatching up the cheap rags I was planning to donate to Goodwill,” said Beyoncé since she’s probably got more than $1 million worth of coins in her sofa cushions.
Law enforcement sources tell TMZ that the three Los Angeles-area storage units were robbed not once but twice earlier this month and all the missing items are Beyoncé’s. Of course, these items include designer handbags and dresses etc. They also stole some photos that belonged to Beyoncé’s stylist.
Our sources say burglars came back within a week, and took down 3 storage units in the same facility … making off with handbags, kids toys and photos belonging to one of Beyonce’s stylists.
They took Sir and Rumi‘s toys?! Ooof, now Beyoncé’s lawyers are gonna come down with a vengeance. The Holy Children will not be trifled with!
Apparently this is not the first time a storage space of rich people got hit, Page Six says Miley Cyrus was also robbed in January and thieves stole “clothes, photographs and other personal items, according to the LAPD.” That was the second time Miley’s storage unit was robbed. Back in 2018, one of her storage units in the San Fernando Valley was robbed of several valuable guitars.
The LAPD has yet to make any arrests in the Beyoncé heist, but I’m sure the Beyhive will sniff them out. They won’t turn the burglars in though, they’ll just keep the stuff and add it to one of their underground shrines scattered across the world. But if Beyoncé wants to keep her storage units from getting robbed again, she just needs to put a cardboard cutout of Solange at the entrance of each one. A thieving thief will take one look, remember that Solange is not the one to fuck with, and run away screaming.